Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal Chapter 8

Chapter 8Ive va allowaged to sneak into the bathing tub long decorous to read a few chapters of this New testawork forcet that theyve added to the Bible. This Matthew cutow, who is obviously non the Matthew that we knew, seems to feature left disclose quite a little bit. Like ever soything from the conviction Joshua was born to the time he was thirty no(prenominal)wonder the angel brought me masking to write this book. This Matthew fellow hasnt menti matchlessd me yet, and Im still in the early chapters. I control to ration myself to economize the angel from rideting suspicious. Today he confronted me when I came expose of the bathroom.You argon degenerateing a lot of time in there. You dont contain to sp supplant so much time in there.I t h integrityst-to-god you, cleanliness is very weighty to my people.You werent bathing. I would stomach heard the water running.I decided that I needed to go on the absentensive if I was hand appear to grip the angel from s uffering the Bible. I ran across the room, leapt onto his bed, and fastened my hands rise up-nighwhat his throat choking him as I chanted I withstandnt been enjoin in cardinal thousand years. I chip innt been laid in 2 thousand years. I havent been laid in cardinal thousand years. It felt good, there was a rhythm to it, I sort of squoze his throat a bit with any syllable.I paused for a moment in choking the enlightenmently host to backhand him across his alabaster cheek. It was a mis gravel. He caught my hand. Then grabbed me by the h ambiance with his other(a) hand and calmly climbed to his feet, lifting me into the air by my blur.Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, I said.So, you have non been laid in cardinal thousand years? What does that cerebrate?Ow, ow, ow, ow, I replied.The angel set me on my feet, and kept his grasp on my hair. So?It means that I havent had a char in two millennia, bent you picking up every of the vocabulary from the television?He glanced at the TV, which, of course, was on. I dont have your endowment fund of tongues. What does that have to do with choking me?I was choking you because you, once again, argon as dense as dirt. I havent had sex in two thousand years. Men have needs. What the hell do you believe Im doing in the bathroom all of that time?Oh, the angel said, releasing my hair. So you arYou have beenThere is aGet me a woman and maybe I wont spend so much time in the bathroom, if you capture my meaning. Brilliant misdirection, I thought.A woman? No, I give the axenot do that. non yet.Yet? Does that meanOh look, the angel said, turning from me as if I was no more(prenominal) than vapor, General Hospital is lead-inting.And with that, my secret Bible was safe. What did he mean by yet?At least this Matthew mentions the Magi. One sentence, unless thats one more than Ive gotten in his Gospel so far.Our second day in Jerusalem we went to see the great Rabbi Hillel. (Rabbi means t from each oneer in Hebraical you knew that, right?) Hillel looked to be a hundred years archaic, his beard and hair were long and white, and his eyes were clouded over, his i formulates milk white. His skin was leathery-brown from sitting in the sun and his nose was long and hooked, giving him the aspect of a great, screenland eagle. He held class all morning in the step uper tribunal of the Temple. We sat quietly, listening to him recite from the Torah and interpret the verses, taking questions and engaging in arguments with the Pharisees, who attempt to infuse the Law into every minute detail of life.Toward the end of Hillels morning lectures, Jakan, the camel-sucking save-to-be of my beloved Maggie, asked Hillel if it would be a sin to eat an musket ball that had been laid on the Sabbath.What are you, duncish? The Lord doesnt order a damn what a chicken does on the Sabbath, you nimrod Its a chicken. If a Jew lays an junkie on the Sabbath, thats probably a sin, rise up see me then. Otherwise dont di ssipation my friggin time with that nonsense. Now go a mien, Im starved and I need a nap. All of you, scram.Joshua looked at me and grinned. Hes not what I expected, he whispered.Knows a nimrod when he sees uh hears one, though, I said. (Nimrod was an ancient king who died of suffocation after he wondered out loud in front of his guards what it would be like to have your own in rangeect stuck up your ass.)A boy moderner than us helped the old man to his feet and began to lead him a vogue toward the Temple gate. I ran up and took the priests other arm.Rabbi, my relay station has come from far away to let out to you. end you help him?The old man stopped. Where is your get a lineoff booster?Right here.Then why isnt he talk of the town for himself? Where do you come from, kid?Nazareth, Joshua said, but I was born in Bethlehem. I am Joshua bar Joseph.Oh yeah, Ive talked to your fuck off.You have? authentic, almost every time she and your father come to Jerusalem for a feast she tries to see me. She thinks youre the christ.Joshua swallowed hard. Am I?Hillel snorted. Do you want to be the Messiah?Joshua looked at me as if I talent have the answer. I shrugged. I dont go to sleep, Josh finally said. I thought I was barely supposed to do it.Do you think youre the Messiah?Im not sure I should enounce.Thats smart, Hillel said. You shouldnt say. You hobo think youre the Messiah all that you want, just dont furcate eitherone. unaccompanied if I dont fork them, they wont receipt.Exactly. You can think youre a palm tree if you want, just dont tell whateverone. You can think youre a flock of seagulls, just dont tell anyone. You deposit my meaning? Now I have to go eat. Im old and Im hungry and I want to go eat now, so just in case I die in front supper I wont go hungry.But he authentically is the Messiah, I said.Oh yeah, Hillel said, grabbing my shoulder, then feeling for my head so he could scream into my ear. What do you bash? Youre an ignorant kid. How old are you? Twelve? Thirteen?Thirteen.How could you, at xiii, fuck anything? Im eighty-four and I dont know shit.But youre wise, I said.Im wise enough to know that I dont know shit. Now go away.Should I ask the Holy of Holies? Joshua said.Hillel swung at the air, as if to slap Joshua, but missed by a foot. Its a box. I saw it when I could still see, and I can tell you that its a box. And you know what else, if there were tablets in it, they arent there now. So if you want to talk to a box, and probably be executed for adjudicateing to get into the chamber where its kept, you go right ahead.The breath seemed to be knocked out of Joshuas body and I thought he would faint on the spot. How could the greatest teacher in all of Israel speak of the Ark of the Covenant in such a way? How could a man who obviously knew every word of the Torah, and all the teachings compose since, how could he claim not to know anything?Hillel seemed to sense Joshuas distress. Look, kid, your mother says that some very wise men came to Bethlehem to see you when you were born. They obviously knew something that no one else knew. Why dont you go see them? rent them about being the Messiah.So you arent deprivation to tell him how to be the Messiah? I asked.Again Hillel reached out for Joshua, but this time without any anger. He found Joshuas cheek, and stroked it with his palsied hand. I dont believe there leave alone be a Messiah, and at this point, Im not sure it would beget a difference to me. Our people have played out more time in slavery or under the heels of outside kings than we have worn-out(a) on the loose(p), so who is to say that it is Gods will that we be free at all? Who is to say that God concerns himself with us in any way, beyond allowing us to be? I dont think that he does. So know this, little one. Whether you are the Messiah, or you become a rabbi, or as yet if you are nothing more than a farmer, here is the hire sense of all I can teach you, and all that I know treat others as you would like to be treated. Can you imagine that?Joshua nodded and the old man smiled. Go find your wise men, Joshua bar Joseph.What we did was stay in the Temple while Joshua grilled every priest, guard, raze Pharisee about the Magi who had come to Jerusalem thirteen years before. Evidently it wasnt as big an example for others as it was for Joshs family, because no one had any idea what he was talk about.By the time hed been at it for a couple of hours he was literally screaming into the faces of a group of Pharisees. Three of them. Magicians. They came because they saw a star over Bethlehem. They were carrying gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Come on, youre all old. Youre supposed to be wise. Think gratis(p) to say, they werent bright. Who is this boy who would question our knowledge? He knows nothing of the Torah and the prophets and yet berates us for not remembering three insignificant functioners.It was the wrong thing to say to Joshu a. No one had studied the Torah harder. No one knew scripture better. Ask me any question, Pharisee, Joshua said. Ask anything.In retrospect, after having grown up, somewhat, and having lived, died, and been resurrected from the dust, I recognize that there may be nothing more obnoxious than a teenager who knows everything. Certainly, it is a symptom of the age that they think they know everything, but now I have some sympathy for those poor men who challenged Joshua that day at the Temple. Of course, at the time, I shouted, Smite the sons-a-bitches, Josh.He was there for days. Joshua wouldnt even leave to eat, and I went out into the city to bring him back food. First the Pharisees, but later even some of the priests came to quiz Joshua, to resolve to throw him some question about some obscure Hebrew king or general. They do him recite the lineages from all the books of the Bible, yet he did not waver. Myself, I left him there to argue while I wandered through the holy city look ing for Maggie, then, when I couldnt find her, for girls in general. I slept at the camp of my parents, assuming all the time that Joshua was go each shadow to his own family, but I was wrong. When the Passover feast was over and we were packing up to leave, bloody shame, Joshuas mother, came to me in a panic.Biff. Have you seen Joshua?The poor woman was distraught. I wanted to comfort her so I held my arms out to give her a comforting embrace. Poor Mary, calm down. Joshua is fine. Come, let me give you a comforting embrace.Biff I thought she might slap me.Hes at the Temple. Jeez, a guy tries to be compassionate and what does he get?She had already taken off. I caught up to her as she was dragging Joshua out of the Temple by the arm. You worried us half to death.You should have cognize you would find me in my fathers house, Joshua said.Dont you pull that my father stuff on me, Joshua bar Joseph. The regulation says honor thy father and thy mother. Im not feeling honored right no w, young man. You could have sent a message, you could have stopped by the camp.Joshua looked at me, his eyes pleading for me to help him out.I tried to comfort her, Josh, but she wouldnt have it.Later I found the two of them on the passage to Nazareth and Joshua motioned for me to walk with them.Mother thinks we may be able to find at least one of the Magi, and if we find that one, he may know where the others are.Mary nodded, The one named Balthasar, the black one, he said he came from a liquidation north of Antioch. He was the only one of the three that spoke any Hebrew.I didnt feel confident. Although Id never seen a map, north of Antioch sounded like a large, unspecific, and scary place. Is there more?Yes, the other two had come from the eastside by the Silk Road. Their names were Melchior and Gaspar.So its off to Antioch, Joshua said. He seemed completely fulfill with the information his mother had given him, as if all he needed were the three Magis names and hed as much a s found them.I said, Youre going to go to Antioch assuming that someone there will remember a man who may have lived north of there thirteen years ago?A magician, Mary said. A rich, Ethiopian magician. How numerous can there be?Well, there might not be any, did you think of that? He might have died. He might have moved to another city.In that case, I will be in Antioch, Joshua said. From there I can travel the Silk Road until I find the other two.I couldnt believe my ears. Youre not going alone.Of course.But Josh, youre bemused out in the world. You only know Nazareth, where people are stupid and poor. No offense, Mary. Youll be like uh like a lamb among wolves. You need me along to watch out for you.And what do you know that I dont? Your Latin is horrible, your Greek is barely passable, and your Hebrew is atrocious.Yeah. If a stranger comes up to you on the road to Antioch and asks you how much money you are carrying, what do you tell him?That will depend on how much I am carry ing.No it wont. You havent enough for a crust of bread. You are a poor beggar.But thats not true.Exactly.Mary put her arm around her sons shoulders. He has a point, Joshua.Joshua wrinkle his brow as if he had to think about it, but I could tell that he was relieved that I wanted to go along. When do you want to leave?When did Maggie say she was getting married?In a month.Before then. I dont want to be here when it happens.Me either, Joshua said.And so we spent the next few weeks preparing for our journey. My father thought I was crazy, but my mother seemed happy to have the extra space in the house and pleased that the family wouldnt have to put up a bride price to marry me off right away.So youll be gone how long? Mother asked.I dont know. Its not a terribly long journey to Antioch, but I dont know how long well be there. Then well be traveling the Silk Road. Im conjecture that thats a long journey. Ive never seen any silk growing around here.Well, take a wool tunic in case it ge ts cold.And that was all I heard from my mother. non Why are you going? Not Who are you looking for? Just Take a wool tunic. Jeez. My father was more supportive.I can give you a little money to travel with, or we could buy you a donkey.I think the money would be better. A donkey couldnt carry both of us.And who are these fellows youre looking for?Magicians, I think.And you want to talk to magicians because?Because Josh wants to know how to be the Messiah.Oh, right. And you believe that Joshua is the Messiah?Yes, but more important than that, hes my garter. I cant let him go alone.And what if hes not the Messiah? What if you find these magicians and they tell you that Joshua is not what you think he is, that hes just a normal boy?Well, hell really need me to be there, then, wont he?My father laughed. Yes, I guess he will. You come back, Levi, and bring your friend the Messiah with you. Now well have to set three empty places at the table on Passover. One for Elijah, one for my lost son, and one for his pal the Messiah.Well, dont seat Joshua next to Elijah. If those guys start talking religion well never have any peace.It came down to only four days before Maggies unite before Joshua and I accepted that one of us would have to tell her we were nose divergence. After nearly a whole day of arguing, it fell upon me to go to her. I saw Joshua face down fears in himself that would have bemused other men, but taking bad news to Maggie was one he couldnt overcome. I took the task on myself and tried to leave Joshua with his dignity.You wussHow can I tell her that its too painful to watch her marry that salientian?First, youre insulting toads everywhere, and second, what makes you think its any easier for me?Youre tougher than I am.Oh, dont try that. You cant just plaster bandage over and expect me to not notice that Im being manipulated. Shes going to cry. I hate it when she cries.I know, Josh said. It hurts me too. Too much. Then he put his hand on my head and I suddenly felt better, stronger.Dont try your Son of God mumbo jumbo on me, youre still a wuss.If it be so, so be it. So it shall be written.Well, it is now, Josh. Its written now. (Its strange, the word wuss is the analogous in my ancient Aramaic tongue as it is in this language. Like the word waited for me these two thousand years so I could write it down here. Strange.)Maggie was washing clothes in the square with a bunch of other women. I caught her attention by jumping on the shoulders of my friend Bartholomew, who was gleefully exposing himself for the viewing pleasure of the Nazarene wives. With a sharp toss of my head I signaled to Maggie to meet me idler a near stand of date palms.Behind those trees? Maggie shouted.Yeah, I replied.You take the idiot?Nope.Okay, she said, and she pass her washing to one of her younger sisters and scampered to the trees.I was surprised to see her lucky so close to the time of her wedding. She hugged me and I could feel the heat rise in my face, either from shame or love, like there was a difference.Well, youre in a good mood, I said.Why not? Im utilise them all up before the wedding. Speaking of which, what are you two bringing me for a present? It had better be good if its going to make up for who I have to marry.She was joyful and there was music and joke in her voice, pure Maggie, but I had to turn away.Hey, I was only joking, she said. You guys dont need to bring me anything.Were leaving, Maggie. We wont be there.She grabbed my shoulder and forced me to face her. Youre leaving? You and Joshua? Youre going away?Yes, before your wedding. Were going to Antioch, and from there far into the easternmost along the Silk Road.She said nothing. Tears welled up in her eyes and I could feel them rising in mine as well. This time she rancid away.We should have told you before, I know, but really we only decided at Passover. Joshua is going to find the Magi who came to his birth, and Im going with him because I have to. She wheeled on me. You have to? You have to? You dont have to. You can stay and be my friend and come to my wedding and sneak down to talk to me here or in the vineyard and we can laugh and tease and no depend how horrible it is being married to Jakan, Ill have that. Ill at least have thatI felt as if Id be sick to my stomach any second. I wanted to tell her that Id stay, that Id wait, that if there was the slightest chance that her life wasnt going to be a desert in the arms of her creep husband that I could hold hope. I wanted to do whatever I could to take away even a little bit of her pain, even up to letting Joshua go by himself, but in persuasion that, I realized that Joshua must have been feeling the same thing, so all I said was Im sorry.And what about Joshua, wasnt he even going to say good-bye?He wanted to, but he couldnt. uncomplete of us can, I mean, we didnt want to have to watch you marry Jakan.Cowards. You two deserve each other. You can hide behind each other like Greek boys. Just go. Get away from me.I tried to think of something to say, but my mind was a soup of confusion so I hung my head and walked away. I was almost out of the square when Maggie caught up to me. I heard her footsteps and turned.Tell him to meet me behind the synagogue, Biff. The night before my wedding, an hour after sunset.Im not sure, Maggie, he Tell him, she said. She ran back to the well without looking back.So I told Joshua, and on the night before Maggies wedding, the night before we were to leave on our journey, Joshua packed some bread and quit and a skin of wine and told me to meet him by the date palms in the square where we would share supper unitedly.You have to go, Joshua said.Im going. In the morning, when you do. What, you think Id back out now?No, tonight. You have to go to Maggie. I cant go.What? I mean, why? Sure Id been heartbroken when Maggie had asked to see Joshua and not me, but Id come to terms with it. Well, as well as one ever comes to terms with an ongoing heartbreak.You have to take my place, Biff. Theres almost no moon tonight, and we are about the same size. Just dont say much and shell think its me. Maybe not as smart as normal, but she can put that down to business concern over the upcoming journey.Id love to see Maggie, but she wants to see you, why cant you go?You really dont know?Not really.Then just take my word for it. Youll see. Will you do this for me, Biff? Will you take my place, work to be me?That would be lying. You never lie.Now youre getting righteous on me? I wont be lying. You will be.Oh. In that case, Ill go.But there wasnt even time to deceive. It was so dark that night that I had to make my way slowly through the village by starlight alone, and as I round the corner to the back of our small synagogue I was hit with a wave of sandalwood and lemon and girl sweat, of warm skin, a wet mouth over mine, arms around my back and legs around my waist. I fell backward on the ground and there was in my he ad a bright light, and the rest of the world existed in the senses of touch and smell and God. There, on the ground behind the synagogue, Maggie and I indulged desires we had carried for years, mine for her, and hers for Joshua. That neither of us knew what we were doing made no difference. It was pure and it happened and it was marvelous. And when we finished we lay there holding each other, half dressed, breathless, and sweating, and Maggie said, I love you, Joshua.I love you, Maggie, I said. And ever so slightly she loosened her embrace.I couldnt marry Jakan without I couldnt let you go without without letting you know.He knows, Maggie.Then she really pulled away.Biff?Uh-oh. I thought she might scream, that she might leap up and run away, that she might do any one of a hundred things to take me from heaven to hell, but after only a second she nuzzled close to me again. convey you for being here, she said.We left at dawn, and our fathers walked with us as far as the gate of Sepp horis. When we parted at the gates my father gave me a pound and chisel to carry with me in my satchel. With that you can make enough for a meal anywhere you go, my father said. Joseph gave Joshua a wooden bowl. Out of that you can eat the meal that Biff earns. He grinned at me.By the gates of Sepphoris I kissed my father for the last time. By the gates of Sepphoris we left our fathers behind and went out into the world to find three wise men.Come back, Joshua, and make us free, Joseph shouted to our backs.Go with God, my own father said.I am, I am, I shouted. Hes right here.Joshua said nothing until the sun was high in the sky and we stopped to share a drink of water. Well? Joshua said. Did she know it was you?Yes. Not at first, but before we parted. She knew.Was she angry at me?No.Was she angry at you?I smiled. No.You dog he said.You really should ask that angel what he meant about you not knowing a woman, Joshua. Its really important.You know now why I couldnt go.Yes. Thanks.Ill miss her, Joshua said.You have no idea, I said.Every detail. I want to know every detail.But you arent supposed to know.Thats not what the angel meant. Tell me.Not now. Not while I can still smell her on my arms.Joshua kicked at the dirt. Am I angry with you, or happy for you, or overjealous of you? I dont know? Tell meJosh, right now, for the first time I can remember, Im happier being your friend than I would be being you. Can I have that?Now, thinking about that night with Maggie behind the synagogue, where we stayed together until it was nearly dawn, where we made love again and again and fell drowsy naked on top of our clothes now, when I think of that, I want to run away from here, this room, this angel and his task, find a lake, dive down, and hide from the eye of God in the dark muck on the bottom.Strange.